El retorno de 1808, Mi amiga hormiga

-¿Hay alguien? ¡Ah de la casa! ¡Zapatones!

¿Quién? 

-¿Quién? ¿Quién?  Qué soso eres, Zapatones. Quién va  a ser.


-¿Te conozco?

-¿Eres tonto? A que te piso un callo y te enteras.


-Jajajajajaja 

- Tu eres mu tonto, hermoso. No sé si eres más tonto que grande

-No te enfades, 1808, era broma. Ven y dame un abrazo.

-A que te meto, Zapatones. Tú sigue vacilando y verás como te pongo.

- ¡Esa es mi hormiga, sí señor! Qué ganas tenía de verte y de cabrearte, mi querida hormiguita.

-¿Hormiguita?, ¿Hormiguita?, ¿Cómo son las hormigas en tu pueblo?

-¿Bueno, ya en serio, qué alegría más grande. Te estaba esperando, el domingo vi que ya se habían abierto los hormigueros.

- Ya te digo, abren el domingo y hoy nos desayunamos con una nevada. ¿Qué te parece?

-Pues mal, muy mal. Además no llevas ni el abriguito de Roberto Hormigo.


-Zapatones, no vayas por ese camino, que no está el horno para escarabajos.

-Lo único que te puedo ofrecer, amigo mío, es tirar un montón de migas al suelo y que os dediquéis  a recogerlas. Ya sabes que en mi casa la calefacción no falta. ¿Te parece?


-Me parece estupendo. Empieza ya a tirar migas al suelo, que tengo a las compis con las antenas chasqueando, pobrecitas mías.

- Pues venga, migajas al suelo. 

-Gracias, Zapatones, eres un gran amigo, no tengo palabras.

-No te preocupes, deja a tus compis trabajar un poco y tú ven a mi vera, al lado de la chimenea y me cuentas.

- Pues no hay mucha novedad. He descansado todo lo que he podido, un poquito de playa subterránea, me he bronceado con lava volcánica y he comido muy bien. 
Vamos, que me he puesto las pilas para afrontar este nuevo año 16.504 después de Hormicris.

- ¿Hormicris? ¿16.504?

- A  veces se me olvida con quién hablo y a qué especie perteneces. Vamos a ver, para hacértelo fácil, te lo voy a traducir a unos términos que tú entiendas. "Vamos, que me he puesto las pilas, para afrontar este nuevo año 2017 después de Cristo" ¿Así mejor?

-A mí, personalmente, me da igual el calendario en que contáis y al Dios o libertador que adoráis. Lo único es que me ha chocado la expresión.

- Si yo te contara libremente, ya verías  todas las cosas que te iban a chocar.

- Pues cuenta, cuenta.

- Todavía sois muy pequeños. Ya llegará el día. Ahora te voy a dejar, que las compañeras se van a hormigar con tanto escaqueo. Hasta otro día Zapatones y no dejes de tirar migas al suelo

- Tranquilo 1808, que no te van a faltar. Y que me alegro mucho de volver a verte. 

1808's hibernation

"Big Shoes! Big Shoes!! Big Shoooooooooes!! Where are you? Holy shit! Is anybody here? Big Shooooooes!!"

"Yes, I'm here! I'm here! But who's there?"

"Who do you think I am? Oh, Gosh... As if you were speaking telepathically with a lot of creatures!  I'm 1808! The ant!"

"I'm sorry, 1808, I was using my headphones."

"Your headphones? Unbelievable! You too? For Antgod's sake!"

"Yes, I was using my headphones. What's wrong with that?"

"For Antgod's sake! I mean, for God's sake! Free your ears and listen to nature. Don't you realize that your ears will have become atrophied when you need to listen to something important? Oh..."

"You're very moody, do you know that?"

"Of course I know. I'm very moody, especially when I see silly and nonsense habits."

"There you go! You're incredible, 1808."

"Well, you can say what you want. But please, be quick: time is money."

"Where are you going in such a rush, and with those looks?"

"Where am I going, you ask? I'm going to hibernate! And, regarding my looks, I'd better not tell you what I think about the clothes you humans wear and what you look like... Don't you think my corn coat is elegant?"

"Well, yes, of course it is."

"It's a Roberto Antigo."

"Yes, I see."

"You don't see a thing, Big Shoes. Your head is full of noise and your neurons don't work properly."

"Neurons? What do you know about neurons? Do ants have neurons at all?"

"Big Shoes, you're more simple and ignorant than what I had imagined. You overachieve yourself every time we speak. I don't even know how I made friends with you. You're a good action I make every day, haha."

"Thank you, 1808. You're so kind."

"All living creatures have neurons, and even my littlest daughter knows that."

"Oh, well, I didn't know..."

"Well, mate, but back to the point: I'm going to hibernate and I must say goodbye."

"I hope it goes well and you rest. We'll keep in touch by FaceAnt."

"Same to you. And I hope that when I see you again you've sorted out the huge mess created by that bunch of uneducated politicians you have."

"Well... I don't know... See you soon, 1808. A little hug for you."

"A big hug, Big Shoes."


Traductora: Virginia Ruiz

The monkeys!

"¡1808!, ¡1808! Where are you? 1808! Where are youuuuu?? Hey, 1808!! Hey!! Ant!”

"What's the matter? Why are you making all that noise? A respectable ant like me can't have a proper siesta with all that noise. For God's sake! What a world we live in!"

"Siesta? You... were you having a siesta?  Who's the lazybones now?"

"It's OK, it's ok, Javier. Following the conversation we had the other day I proposed siesta in the Ant's Nest Committee on Productivity and, after trying it out for some days, siesta has proven to increase productivity, so it has become mandatory in all out ant's nests."

"And... Is there anything you'd like to say about that, 1808?"

"Yes. Yes, OK. I am really sorry, Javier. I apologise for calling you a lazybones.  Thank you for your idea."

"We are so silly and so primitive, aren't we?"

"Sometimes you just have to be right, it's pure statistics."

"Hahahaha.  1808 having a siesta! It's incredible. The non-stop-working ant sleeps!"

"It's enough, Javier. And now, tell me, why were you calling me so persistently?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I've heard on the news that some scientists have discovered that dogs recognise some words and can identify the human tones of voice."

"Hahaha. Now I'm the one who laughs. It's been a little hard for you, don't you think?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me!"

"Well, Javier, You are the most developmentally delayed and boastful species on Earth.  You never stop looking at yourselves and you are the only species on Earth that endangers its own environment. Do you think it's a minor thing?"

"Of course not, 1808. You are completely right, both as an ant and as a human"

"Do you know something, Javier? The last ones to develop an alphabet and a communication system were the primates."

"The primates?"

 "Yes, the monkeys! The monkeys! You, the monkeys!"

"Oh, my, 1808!"

"Take it and lump it! Next time you'd better not spoil my siesta."

*Note: this conversation is the second part of the conversation that started in the previous post.

Traductora: Virginia Ruiz

1808, a sleepless night

"What's the matter? Are you crazy? Are you gonna be up all night? It is impossible to sleep at the ant's nest."

"Have you also heard it?"

"Well, we haven't actually heard it. We've rather felt it. We haven't stopped shaking due to the vibration."

"Recently, we have mistaken having fun with making a lot of noise, drinking too much and being out all night. It's on fashion. And, you know, trends come and go, but this one it lasting too much." 

"I see, but what happens with the ones who are not partying?"

"Here everybody is partying, even you, my dear ant friends. Some party lovers think that the rest of the world has to put up with it, they don't give a damn about us."

"They don't give a damn? What does that mean?"

"It means that they couldn't care less."

"Hahaha. Now I know what you mean. Look, Javier: that would be unthinkable at my ant's nest. We respect all the members of the community and we try to harmonise everything we do."

"Well, it'll still take some time until we all have a bit of common sense. I feel sorry for you. You never stop working."

"What's gonna happen tonight then?"

"Tonight, 1808, we'll have to stand this..."

"Long live the party!"

"Hurra!"

TALKS WITH 1808

   "Hello, Javier!"

   "Hello, 1808!"

   "How are you?"

   "I'm fine, I'm fine."

   "Don't lie to me, Javier. My antennas can detect you're not telling me the truth. In addition, I've been watching you for a while and I've noticed you're a bit sad."

   "Oh, now you watch me!"

    "Well, yes, I do. I watch you because you, humans, are very difficult creatures to treat with: your behaviour is unpredictable."

   "Oh, great! Just what I needed, an ant watching my behaviour and giving his opinion about it."

     "But don't get angry."

    "No, I'm not angry, ant."

     "If I had know, I wouldn't have said a thing. You're overreacting!"

     "I'm not overreacting, but do you know the meaning of the word 'privacy'? Do you understand that sometimes people wish to be lonely?"

     "No, not really. I don't understand that."

   "Listen, 1808, when humans are worried or are uneasy about a person or a situation, they wish for lonliness in order to feel better and improve their negative mood, or just to think about a solution to their problems. Do you understand now?"

    "Yes, perfectly. But what's the matter with you know?"

    "Hahaha. You're incredible!"

    "Tell me!, tell me!"

  "I'm upset, disappointed, angry, outraged... They've deceived us and taken advantage of us, our parents and our grandparents. They sold us a paradise if we worked hard and now all we have is a purgatory. 

    I am sad because the values and the hopes that we had about changing our world have shattered."

    "Ugh! You feel worse than I thought." 

     "Well, you have asked. Then don't be surprised if everything I've been accumulating inside goes out."

     "Please, go on."

     "No. You've interrupted me, 1808. To summarise it, I'll tell you that this country suffered for many years a dictatorship and a dictator. When he died, it seemed that everything would change and that normality would fill our homes.

      But after forty years, we are almost like we were then: the government is made up of people who only defend their own interests and oppress, step on and slaughter the most unprivileged. 

      They are corrupted people who make us feel as if we were back in the 1950s, making disappear all the milestones that took blood, sweat and tears to achieve.

      Do you think it's a minor thing? Do you think it is not enough reason to be sad?"  

      "No, no. Of course you're right.  I'll leave you alone, you need it. See ya, Big Shoes."

      "Goodbye, 1808." 

      "Oh, my God! How sad and worried he is!"

Skype for ants

"¡1808!, ¡1808! Damn! This doesn't work or this ant has his head in the clouds. He kept saying 'call me via Skype! It's so easy' Well... It might be easy, but I've been half an our trying and this doesn't work, the connection  does not work, nothing works. I can't see 1808's antennas anywhere. I don't know if it's my fault or my friend's Skype can't connect to Anternet".

"It's Fast Ant here. Over and out. Is there anybody there...? Over and out."

"Hey! 1808, don't tease me!"

"Don't get angry. I was at the sauna and, as you can understand, I was not going to be in front of a camera on my birthday suit. I'm

not like Antonia Dell'Atte. That woman has nothing to do with ants, except for

the first letters of her name."

"Allright, allright. Fighting with technology makes me very nervous. I can't help it."

"I've noticed that. And I've heard you cursing as well.

Listen, with these devices it is better to relax and treat them as if they were children. Then, everything is easy and natural.  But if you try to control it using that rigid mind full of holes like a gruyere cheese, I'm afraid you'll find it very difficult." 

"I know. But that's easier said than done. Haven't you ever got angry with the connection or with the tablet?"

"Well, I could say no, but I must confess that sometimes I've nearly lost my antennas and mind. But don't tell anyone."

"Allright, allright."

"But, tell me, what did you want?"

"In fact, nothing special, just saying hello".

"Are you telling me that I've gone out of a relaxing

bath in the waters of the Vesubio Lake just for that reason?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, 1808. I'm so sorry."

"I was joking. I'm very happy that you remember

me. It's a pleasure to speak with you.  I

must leave now. I'm completely wet and I'm beginning to be very cold".

"See you soon, 1808."

"See ya, Big Shoes."

1808's email

  This morning, I checked my email to see if someone had though about me, even if it was to try to sell me something. As usual, there was nothing at all. I was about to start writing a blog post when a pop-up announed that I had just received an email. I slid the mouse in the mouse pad, I clicked on it and I saw it came from a social network called 'Antbook' and it also contained a PDF attachment. Whom would it be from? Will be from the CIA or any of those agencies which are constantly watching us?

  I downloaded the file as fast as I could, without thinking about it twice, as if I was a bullfighter waiting on my kees for the bull to get out.

  Oh! What a surprise! It's from 1808! Wow! He's the best! I was sure I would hear from him. 1808 in not one of those who forget their friends. All right, all right! Don't get exasperated, I will show you his message now. You shouldn't be nervous because in the end, I am the addressee of the message, even though I like to share it with you:

    Dear Big Shoes,
I'm writing this message from the Riviera Ant. This is heaven, as you can imagine. I don't remember the walks looking for food, nor going up and down the shelves of the central warehouse, the telltale ant or my whipping boss.

   Here I only need to worry about my three little ants who are demanding my attention all day long.

Now a sand castle, then a wheat ice, then they are bored, then they can't stop laughing, then they quarrel... They can't stop! But of course, I enjoy the lava's light, the warm water and also ducking some of my little ants from time to time, you know, to release some adrenaline, haha.

 I hope you are not very cold, Big Shoes, and also that the rain is not preventing you from walking as you usually do.  Watch out or else you will get carried away and won't notice anything.

  I must leave now, I can hear my wife screaming that those little devils of ants are climbing up some roots and are going to fall. Oh, God! The life of a summer holidaymaker is really hard! 

See you soon, Big Shoes!
  

   What a great ant 1808 is. He has made my day today, I hope that the 'suffering' derived from being a summer holidaymaker does not last longer and that he is suntanned when he comes back.



Traductora: Virginia Ruiz

Have a great holiday, 1808!

"Big Shoes! Big Shoes!"

"Hey, man! Sorry, I meant ant. It's great to see you and hear from you again! I've seen most ant's nests were already closed and I thought you had forgotten me."

"Why do you say so, Big Shoes?" Friends are a priority and I had to say goodbye before we closed."

"Thank you, 1808. Well, so... I imagine I won't hear from you until spring, will I?"

"Of course you will, Big Shoes! I have made this step for a reason and I won't disappear just like that. No, no."

"So...?"

"Oh, God! How incompetent!"

"Are you telling me that you have Internet?"

"No, smarty pants.  We don't have Internet. We have Anternet and thanks to a simple connection of both nets I can send you emails or even talk while seeing each other's faces. What do you think?"

"I'm amazed. Totally and utterly amazed. I'm speechless, I thought that..."

"You thought we were inferior little creatures, without a scrap of intelligence. Am I right?"

"Well... Yes. To be honest, I thought like most people do. I thought you were very hard-working creatures, but nothing else. I could tell you something different, but it would be a lie."

"Don't worry, Big Shoes. We’ve known for ages that you're a bit silly and conceited, but there's nowt so queer as folk!"

"You're being a little hard on me, 1808, don't you think?"

"Well... but it's true, let's not beat about the bush. You think you are the chosen ones, the rational ones, the heirs of God and I don't know what more, but that's a stage many species have gone through thousands of years ago. It's an issue that gets cured with age, just like acne."

"For God's sake! I'm gonna go mad. Me, speaking with a philosopher ant! I'm not in my right mind."

"Come on, come one, Big Shoes, stop thinking about that. You can't even imagine all the things you still have to learn from me. I must leave now. The ant's nest closes at six o'clock and then there will be no way back."   

"But, but..."

"But nothing, I'm going on holidays, don't be tiresome. We'll be in touch. Give me you email address, come on, quickly!"

"It's fruizcar@gmail.com"

"OK.  Take care!"



Traductora: Virginia Ruiz

1808's holidays

"Big Shoes! Hey! Listen!

It's unbelievable! They are so big and yet so limited. Unbelievable! Unbelievable!

Big Shoooooooooooooooooooes!" 

"Oh, ant," I answered when I heard 1808's voice.

" I have been half an hour screaming and you didn't answer," 1808 protested.

"I didn't expect you. I thought the telltale had talked too much again and you were punished."

"No. Thanks Antgod!"

 "Tell me, 1808, how is it going?"

 "Now we are very busy, autumn is very near and it is the moment to collect the most perishable food so they last longer, and close our warehouses."

"Do you know the closing date of the ant's nest?"

"No," 1808 answered, "We still don't know it, but it will be soon. It smells like damp soil and our legs are shaky from carrying things all the time."

"What do you do when you close the ant's nest? Do you hibernate?"

"Are you stupid, Big Shoes? We are ants, not bears. We go on holidays, just like you do. You think you are at the centre of the Universe and you are not even closer to its outer circumference.  Humans! Oh, humans!"

"Then, do you go to the beach for a swim?"

"Of course. What did you expect? However, instead of going to the sea, we go to subterranean lakes whose water has been warmed by magma. Apart from that, we do pretty much the same you do: we swim, we walk around, we sunbathe (well, magma-bathe in fact), sometimes topless! And from time to time we drink barley juice, with or without alcohol.  What did you think, Big Shoes? Well,  I must leave now. I have to carry this cake crumb I have just found. See you!"

"Listen, 1808! Do not shut yourself up in the ant's nest without saying goodbye!"

"All right! See ya!"


Traductora: Virginia Ruiz 

“1808! Ant! Aaaaant!”

I’ve been two days screaming and shouting like a fool, looking the ants come and go. It’s time to leave.

“Hey, Big Shoes! Where are you going? Don’t leave,” I heard someone told me from the floor.

 “Hey, is that you? What a great surprise! I’ve been two days looking for you.”

“Yes, I know, I’ve passed by a lot of times, but there was a telltale near me who is always squealing and, you know, if that happened I would go to Central Services or to the Central Warehouse and that would be…,” 1808 blurt out.

“Have you been punished then?”

“Yes… According to your way of thinking, I’ve been punished. It’s a way of saying it. But tell me, Big Shoes, how does autumn ahead look like? You know that ants shut ourselves up at the end of it and don’t go back outside until spring.”

“I don’t know what to say. I had never talked to an ant before.”

“Let’s see, let’s see… Now you won’t tell me you’re shy, will you? Tell me about daily life. Is unemployment still so high? Will there finally be a referendum in Catalonia? Do you expect a very cold winter?”

“What is that to you? All those things don’t have to do with you at all.”

“Don’t they? They have to do with me more than you think. You still don’t understand you live in a globalised world and everything has its influence on the rest of the world. Oh, human beings!”

“Don’t tell me that or else I will believe it.”

“If unemployment continues to be high, there will be more people who will sit on benches to eat sunflower seeds and, as you may know, that is one of the main foodstuffs in our diet. On the other hand, human walk more and cause more vibrations in our homes. Do you get it?”

“And what about the Catalonian issue,” I dared to ask.

“The Catalonian issue, as you call it, is something serious. If things are carried to their ultimate consequences, let’s say it smoothly, our communities could suffer serious transformations and disasters. Don’t forget that the ground is our home. As for the cold, I’ll tell you that it’s very important to us, because it has an influence on the quantity of food we should collect and the fuel we’ll need to use and… well, a lot of other things that you don’t really get to unders…”

 “1808! 1808!”

“Yuck, there comes the telltale. Off I go! Goodbye, see you soon!”