El retorno de 1808, Mi amiga hormiga

-¿Hay alguien? ¡Ah de la casa! ¡Zapatones!

¿Quién? 

-¿Quién? ¿Quién?  Qué soso eres, Zapatones. Quién va  a ser.


-¿Te conozco?

-¿Eres tonto? A que te piso un callo y te enteras.


-Jajajajajaja 

- Tu eres mu tonto, hermoso. No sé si eres más tonto que grande

-No te enfades, 1808, era broma. Ven y dame un abrazo.

-A que te meto, Zapatones. Tú sigue vacilando y verás como te pongo.

- ¡Esa es mi hormiga, sí señor! Qué ganas tenía de verte y de cabrearte, mi querida hormiguita.

-¿Hormiguita?, ¿Hormiguita?, ¿Cómo son las hormigas en tu pueblo?

-¿Bueno, ya en serio, qué alegría más grande. Te estaba esperando, el domingo vi que ya se habían abierto los hormigueros.

- Ya te digo, abren el domingo y hoy nos desayunamos con una nevada. ¿Qué te parece?

-Pues mal, muy mal. Además no llevas ni el abriguito de Roberto Hormigo.


-Zapatones, no vayas por ese camino, que no está el horno para escarabajos.

-Lo único que te puedo ofrecer, amigo mío, es tirar un montón de migas al suelo y que os dediquéis  a recogerlas. Ya sabes que en mi casa la calefacción no falta. ¿Te parece?


-Me parece estupendo. Empieza ya a tirar migas al suelo, que tengo a las compis con las antenas chasqueando, pobrecitas mías.

- Pues venga, migajas al suelo. 

-Gracias, Zapatones, eres un gran amigo, no tengo palabras.

-No te preocupes, deja a tus compis trabajar un poco y tú ven a mi vera, al lado de la chimenea y me cuentas.

- Pues no hay mucha novedad. He descansado todo lo que he podido, un poquito de playa subterránea, me he bronceado con lava volcánica y he comido muy bien. 
Vamos, que me he puesto las pilas para afrontar este nuevo año 16.504 después de Hormicris.

- ¿Hormicris? ¿16.504?

- A  veces se me olvida con quién hablo y a qué especie perteneces. Vamos a ver, para hacértelo fácil, te lo voy a traducir a unos términos que tú entiendas. "Vamos, que me he puesto las pilas, para afrontar este nuevo año 2017 después de Cristo" ¿Así mejor?

-A mí, personalmente, me da igual el calendario en que contáis y al Dios o libertador que adoráis. Lo único es que me ha chocado la expresión.

- Si yo te contara libremente, ya verías  todas las cosas que te iban a chocar.

- Pues cuenta, cuenta.

- Todavía sois muy pequeños. Ya llegará el día. Ahora te voy a dejar, que las compañeras se van a hormigar con tanto escaqueo. Hasta otro día Zapatones y no dejes de tirar migas al suelo

- Tranquilo 1808, que no te van a faltar. Y que me alegro mucho de volver a verte. 

1808's hibernation

"Big Shoes! Big Shoes!! Big Shoooooooooes!! Where are you? Holy shit! Is anybody here? Big Shooooooes!!"

"Yes, I'm here! I'm here! But who's there?"

"Who do you think I am? Oh, Gosh... As if you were speaking telepathically with a lot of creatures!  I'm 1808! The ant!"

"I'm sorry, 1808, I was using my headphones."

"Your headphones? Unbelievable! You too? For Antgod's sake!"

"Yes, I was using my headphones. What's wrong with that?"

"For Antgod's sake! I mean, for God's sake! Free your ears and listen to nature. Don't you realize that your ears will have become atrophied when you need to listen to something important? Oh..."

"You're very moody, do you know that?"

"Of course I know. I'm very moody, especially when I see silly and nonsense habits."

"There you go! You're incredible, 1808."

"Well, you can say what you want. But please, be quick: time is money."

"Where are you going in such a rush, and with those looks?"

"Where am I going, you ask? I'm going to hibernate! And, regarding my looks, I'd better not tell you what I think about the clothes you humans wear and what you look like... Don't you think my corn coat is elegant?"

"Well, yes, of course it is."

"It's a Roberto Antigo."

"Yes, I see."

"You don't see a thing, Big Shoes. Your head is full of noise and your neurons don't work properly."

"Neurons? What do you know about neurons? Do ants have neurons at all?"

"Big Shoes, you're more simple and ignorant than what I had imagined. You overachieve yourself every time we speak. I don't even know how I made friends with you. You're a good action I make every day, haha."

"Thank you, 1808. You're so kind."

"All living creatures have neurons, and even my littlest daughter knows that."

"Oh, well, I didn't know..."

"Well, mate, but back to the point: I'm going to hibernate and I must say goodbye."

"I hope it goes well and you rest. We'll keep in touch by FaceAnt."

"Same to you. And I hope that when I see you again you've sorted out the huge mess created by that bunch of uneducated politicians you have."

"Well... I don't know... See you soon, 1808. A little hug for you."

"A big hug, Big Shoes."


Traductora: Virginia Ruiz

The monkeys!

"¡1808!, ¡1808! Where are you? 1808! Where are youuuuu?? Hey, 1808!! Hey!! Ant!”

"What's the matter? Why are you making all that noise? A respectable ant like me can't have a proper siesta with all that noise. For God's sake! What a world we live in!"

"Siesta? You... were you having a siesta?  Who's the lazybones now?"

"It's OK, it's ok, Javier. Following the conversation we had the other day I proposed siesta in the Ant's Nest Committee on Productivity and, after trying it out for some days, siesta has proven to increase productivity, so it has become mandatory in all out ant's nests."

"And... Is there anything you'd like to say about that, 1808?"

"Yes. Yes, OK. I am really sorry, Javier. I apologise for calling you a lazybones.  Thank you for your idea."

"We are so silly and so primitive, aren't we?"

"Sometimes you just have to be right, it's pure statistics."

"Hahahaha.  1808 having a siesta! It's incredible. The non-stop-working ant sleeps!"

"It's enough, Javier. And now, tell me, why were you calling me so persistently?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I've heard on the news that some scientists have discovered that dogs recognise some words and can identify the human tones of voice."

"Hahaha. Now I'm the one who laughs. It's been a little hard for you, don't you think?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me!"

"Well, Javier, You are the most developmentally delayed and boastful species on Earth.  You never stop looking at yourselves and you are the only species on Earth that endangers its own environment. Do you think it's a minor thing?"

"Of course not, 1808. You are completely right, both as an ant and as a human"

"Do you know something, Javier? The last ones to develop an alphabet and a communication system were the primates."

"The primates?"

 "Yes, the monkeys! The monkeys! You, the monkeys!"

"Oh, my, 1808!"

"Take it and lump it! Next time you'd better not spoil my siesta."

*Note: this conversation is the second part of the conversation that started in the previous post.

Traductora: Virginia Ruiz

I can't believe it, 1808!

"Javier! Javier! Wake up! Wake up, for God's sake!"

"Are you swearing, 1808? What a beautiful thing, don't you think? An adult ant swearing!"

"Well, an adult man sleeping at 16:00 is not any better... You're a lazybones.”

"A lazybones? It's siesta time."

"Siesta? What does 'siesta' mean?"

"I can't believe it, 1808! Siesta is... well, siesta... as if you didn't know humans!"

"C'mon, Javier, tell me what it is."

"I really can't believe my ears, 1808. Siesta is a period of time to rest after lunch."  Ah! And it's a sacred time. It's very rude to disrupt sleep when someone is resting."

"That's nonsense! You're a lazybones. A real lazybones!"

"What are you saying, 1808?"

"Yes, you are a lazybones."

"You're obsessed with working."

"That's a low blow, Javier."

"Don't exaggerate, 1808! And enjoy life!"

"I enjoy working, Javier."

"I can't believe, it!  I'll let it go because you're my friend and because your innocence really touches me, 1808."



Traductora:  Virginia Ruiz

1808, a sleepless night

"What's the matter? Are you crazy? Are you gonna be up all night? It is impossible to sleep at the ant's nest."

"Have you also heard it?"

"Well, we haven't actually heard it. We've rather felt it. We haven't stopped shaking due to the vibration."

"Recently, we have mistaken having fun with making a lot of noise, drinking too much and being out all night. It's on fashion. And, you know, trends come and go, but this one it lasting too much." 

"I see, but what happens with the ones who are not partying?"

"Here everybody is partying, even you, my dear ant friends. Some party lovers think that the rest of the world has to put up with it, they don't give a damn about us."

"They don't give a damn? What does that mean?"

"It means that they couldn't care less."

"Hahaha. Now I know what you mean. Look, Javier: that would be unthinkable at my ant's nest. We respect all the members of the community and we try to harmonise everything we do."

"Well, it'll still take some time until we all have a bit of common sense. I feel sorry for you. You never stop working."

"What's gonna happen tonight then?"

"Tonight, 1808, we'll have to stand this..."

"Long live the party!"

"Hurra!"

Summer conversations with 1808

"How are you doing, dear friend? How is summer going?"

"I'm exhausted, Javier. We're finishing food collection, our warehouses are 90% full and we only need a final push to reach our community goals." 

"That makes me feel jealous. I really wish my community worked like yours."

"Well, we also have our issues, you know."

"I know, 1808, but a society which is based on respect, on the common -and not individual- good, on work well done and on responsibility is the best society. In my opinion, of course."

"It's normal, Javier. Your society is currently a huge mess."

"Are you aware of it?"

"Of course! How could we not be aware of it? Societies are all intertwined and the actions of one of them have an influence in all of us, even though we are animals, as you, humans, say."

"Hahaha."

"Don't laugh. It's not funny at all. You're very dangerous. You only worry about yourselves. You are very unsupportive and disrespectful of nature, which is where all the creatures live."

"You're so wise, 1808."

"No, Javier, it's not wisdom; it's the natural law, which you, the rational creatures, ignore.”

TALKS WITH 1808

   "Hello, Javier!"

   "Hello, 1808!"

   "How are you?"

   "I'm fine, I'm fine."

   "Don't lie to me, Javier. My antennas can detect you're not telling me the truth. In addition, I've been watching you for a while and I've noticed you're a bit sad."

   "Oh, now you watch me!"

    "Well, yes, I do. I watch you because you, humans, are very difficult creatures to treat with: your behaviour is unpredictable."

   "Oh, great! Just what I needed, an ant watching my behaviour and giving his opinion about it."

     "But don't get angry."

    "No, I'm not angry, ant."

     "If I had know, I wouldn't have said a thing. You're overreacting!"

     "I'm not overreacting, but do you know the meaning of the word 'privacy'? Do you understand that sometimes people wish to be lonely?"

     "No, not really. I don't understand that."

   "Listen, 1808, when humans are worried or are uneasy about a person or a situation, they wish for lonliness in order to feel better and improve their negative mood, or just to think about a solution to their problems. Do you understand now?"

    "Yes, perfectly. But what's the matter with you know?"

    "Hahaha. You're incredible!"

    "Tell me!, tell me!"

  "I'm upset, disappointed, angry, outraged... They've deceived us and taken advantage of us, our parents and our grandparents. They sold us a paradise if we worked hard and now all we have is a purgatory. 

    I am sad because the values and the hopes that we had about changing our world have shattered."

    "Ugh! You feel worse than I thought." 

     "Well, you have asked. Then don't be surprised if everything I've been accumulating inside goes out."

     "Please, go on."

     "No. You've interrupted me, 1808. To summarise it, I'll tell you that this country suffered for many years a dictatorship and a dictator. When he died, it seemed that everything would change and that normality would fill our homes.

      But after forty years, we are almost like we were then: the government is made up of people who only defend their own interests and oppress, step on and slaughter the most unprivileged. 

      They are corrupted people who make us feel as if we were back in the 1950s, making disappear all the milestones that took blood, sweat and tears to achieve.

      Do you think it's a minor thing? Do you think it is not enough reason to be sad?"  

      "No, no. Of course you're right.  I'll leave you alone, you need it. See ya, Big Shoes."

      "Goodbye, 1808." 

      "Oh, my God! How sad and worried he is!"

Skype for ants

"¡1808!, ¡1808! Damn! This doesn't work or this ant has his head in the clouds. He kept saying 'call me via Skype! It's so easy' Well... It might be easy, but I've been half an our trying and this doesn't work, the connection  does not work, nothing works. I can't see 1808's antennas anywhere. I don't know if it's my fault or my friend's Skype can't connect to Anternet".

"It's Fast Ant here. Over and out. Is there anybody there...? Over and out."

"Hey! 1808, don't tease me!"

"Don't get angry. I was at the sauna and, as you can understand, I was not going to be in front of a camera on my birthday suit. I'm

not like Antonia Dell'Atte. That woman has nothing to do with ants, except for

the first letters of her name."

"Allright, allright. Fighting with technology makes me very nervous. I can't help it."

"I've noticed that. And I've heard you cursing as well.

Listen, with these devices it is better to relax and treat them as if they were children. Then, everything is easy and natural.  But if you try to control it using that rigid mind full of holes like a gruyere cheese, I'm afraid you'll find it very difficult." 

"I know. But that's easier said than done. Haven't you ever got angry with the connection or with the tablet?"

"Well, I could say no, but I must confess that sometimes I've nearly lost my antennas and mind. But don't tell anyone."

"Allright, allright."

"But, tell me, what did you want?"

"In fact, nothing special, just saying hello".

"Are you telling me that I've gone out of a relaxing

bath in the waters of the Vesubio Lake just for that reason?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, 1808. I'm so sorry."

"I was joking. I'm very happy that you remember

me. It's a pleasure to speak with you.  I

must leave now. I'm completely wet and I'm beginning to be very cold".

"See you soon, 1808."

"See ya, Big Shoes."

1808, an ant from Toledo

  "Hi theeeeeeeeeere" Hiiiii theeeeeeeeere!"

  "Yes! Oh, hello! I'm happy to see you!  Where have you been? What a long holiday! You're such a lazybones ant!"

  "Lazybones? Me? Lazybones? Hey... don't insult me! I'm a little bit of a slacker, but don't get me wrong".

  "Of course, 1808, you know I enjoy making you get a bit angry!"

  "You're not making up for it at all. First you say I'm a lazybones, then you say you like make me angry as a hornet. I don't know what's worse".

 "Well, friend, they're both human figures of speech... I didn't mean to offend you".

  "Hahaha. There's an ant saying that says: 'An ant is not offended by those who want to, but by those who can. And you're not even an ant. How's it going, Big Shoes? I've seen your news programmes and, well, let's say you're not bored. There are more thieves than grains of wheat in a threshing floor. But you're not involved in any of those things, are you? If you are, I'll delete you from 'Antbook.'"

 "Don't worry, I'm not a scoundrel. I'm a regular human being."

 "A scoundrel? What's that? Are they the people who throw products to the ground and pollute the soil?"

 "Not exactly, but well, something similar. A scoundrel, is a person who allows others to bribe him and becomes corrupted. I would say the ones who pollute the soil and the undersoil are environmental terrorists."

  "Shame on you! You're worse than the plague. You destroy everything you touch. Did you know that this summer there have been fifty subterranean lakes in which swimming had to be banned and another fifty lakes which lost their blue flag status? Antiagara Falls are as black as a crow and you are forcing us to install very quickly ecological purification systems to clean this mess."

   "I am ashamed, 1808. I apologise in the name of all mankind, if that means something to you."

   "Allright, allright. I know you're not the only resposible person for that, but we're all responsible in part, as we all have the duty to take care of this planet, your planet, our planet and the planet of all the creatures who live in it."

  "You're so wise, 1808!"

    "And you, Big Shoes, you're so 'bolo', I mean, so silly!"

   "You're talking like an ant from Toledo"

    "Hahahahaha. Of course, Big Shoes, the juice from the vineyards' roots and the olive trees runs through my veins. Did you expect that I spoke like an ant from Catalonia or Andalusia? However, to be honest, those things you're still stuck on about localisms and nationalisms... We got over them thousands of years ago."

    "Really? Are you pulling my leg?"

   "No, because your leg is too heavy for me to pull it, but it's true. Those beliefs are from the time of the Neanderthal man, as you say."

    "I know, I know. My friend, I must leave now. I'm hearing voices calling me for lunch".  

     "Allright, Big Shoes. See ya!"

    "See ya, 1808".

1808's email

  This morning, I checked my email to see if someone had though about me, even if it was to try to sell me something. As usual, there was nothing at all. I was about to start writing a blog post when a pop-up announed that I had just received an email. I slid the mouse in the mouse pad, I clicked on it and I saw it came from a social network called 'Antbook' and it also contained a PDF attachment. Whom would it be from? Will be from the CIA or any of those agencies which are constantly watching us?

  I downloaded the file as fast as I could, without thinking about it twice, as if I was a bullfighter waiting on my kees for the bull to get out.

  Oh! What a surprise! It's from 1808! Wow! He's the best! I was sure I would hear from him. 1808 in not one of those who forget their friends. All right, all right! Don't get exasperated, I will show you his message now. You shouldn't be nervous because in the end, I am the addressee of the message, even though I like to share it with you:

    Dear Big Shoes,
I'm writing this message from the Riviera Ant. This is heaven, as you can imagine. I don't remember the walks looking for food, nor going up and down the shelves of the central warehouse, the telltale ant or my whipping boss.

   Here I only need to worry about my three little ants who are demanding my attention all day long.

Now a sand castle, then a wheat ice, then they are bored, then they can't stop laughing, then they quarrel... They can't stop! But of course, I enjoy the lava's light, the warm water and also ducking some of my little ants from time to time, you know, to release some adrenaline, haha.

 I hope you are not very cold, Big Shoes, and also that the rain is not preventing you from walking as you usually do.  Watch out or else you will get carried away and won't notice anything.

  I must leave now, I can hear my wife screaming that those little devils of ants are climbing up some roots and are going to fall. Oh, God! The life of a summer holidaymaker is really hard! 

See you soon, Big Shoes!
  

   What a great ant 1808 is. He has made my day today, I hope that the 'suffering' derived from being a summer holidaymaker does not last longer and that he is suntanned when he comes back.



Traductora: Virginia Ruiz

Have a great holiday, 1808!

"Big Shoes! Big Shoes!"

"Hey, man! Sorry, I meant ant. It's great to see you and hear from you again! I've seen most ant's nests were already closed and I thought you had forgotten me."

"Why do you say so, Big Shoes?" Friends are a priority and I had to say goodbye before we closed."

"Thank you, 1808. Well, so... I imagine I won't hear from you until spring, will I?"

"Of course you will, Big Shoes! I have made this step for a reason and I won't disappear just like that. No, no."

"So...?"

"Oh, God! How incompetent!"

"Are you telling me that you have Internet?"

"No, smarty pants.  We don't have Internet. We have Anternet and thanks to a simple connection of both nets I can send you emails or even talk while seeing each other's faces. What do you think?"

"I'm amazed. Totally and utterly amazed. I'm speechless, I thought that..."

"You thought we were inferior little creatures, without a scrap of intelligence. Am I right?"

"Well... Yes. To be honest, I thought like most people do. I thought you were very hard-working creatures, but nothing else. I could tell you something different, but it would be a lie."

"Don't worry, Big Shoes. We’ve known for ages that you're a bit silly and conceited, but there's nowt so queer as folk!"

"You're being a little hard on me, 1808, don't you think?"

"Well... but it's true, let's not beat about the bush. You think you are the chosen ones, the rational ones, the heirs of God and I don't know what more, but that's a stage many species have gone through thousands of years ago. It's an issue that gets cured with age, just like acne."

"For God's sake! I'm gonna go mad. Me, speaking with a philosopher ant! I'm not in my right mind."

"Come on, come one, Big Shoes, stop thinking about that. You can't even imagine all the things you still have to learn from me. I must leave now. The ant's nest closes at six o'clock and then there will be no way back."   

"But, but..."

"But nothing, I'm going on holidays, don't be tiresome. We'll be in touch. Give me you email address, come on, quickly!"

"It's fruizcar@gmail.com"

"OK.  Take care!"



Traductora: Virginia Ruiz